The summer solstice just rounded the corner, and with it the days will slowly wane towards earlier and earlier darkness until December. I've been quite busy traveling, hanging out with friends, and generally enjoying life.
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| Panorama of Meridian Hill Park |
I started this post after I got back from Philadelphia where I saw Chairlift perform their second to last show on their "Farewell Tour". It was an amazing show, but very bittersweet. Before that I got to see the green roof of the Department of Transportation Headquarters building as a part of the Earth Day festivities. There was also a bike ride down to Alexandria via the Mount Vernon Trail after that. Easter weekend included the Tax March and the All Souls Good Friday service. A Japanese street festival, a Know Your Rights training, cherry blossoms, the State of the District Address, dinners, gatherings, beautiful days down at the Navy Yard for my lunch break, parents visiting, an 80's party, committing to serve on the Young Souls Board at All Souls, Vespers and Taizé services, choir concerts, days on the green at Meridian Hill Park, movies, an impromptu visit to Asheville, and talks with beautiful people.
It seems like I've finally settled for once in my life. Things are not expiring in another year, things are not going to wrap up, things are not going to go anywhere, or at least from what I can see. And I am totally okay with that. My life is getting better with every step I take, and it's been a while since I've fully felt like this.
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| A picture of Virginia Hospital Center from when I went to get an x-ray for the chiropractor. |
I've been in DC for at least a year now. It's amazing to think that the time has gone that fast. Time is a strange concept. My perception of time seems to go faster when I'm at peace, and seems to
crawl when I am in a not so good life situation. I think the main difference is friends. The types, the amount, the trust and faith you are able to put into and receive out of them. I've found my niche. Those people who accept me for who I am, or at least that is what it seems like. (Of course, the perception that they do not accept me is just the lingering depression kicking in telling myself that I'm not allowed to be happy, nor can I be successful.) I finally seem to have things all in a line and have things that are working out for me, but I feel so weird trying to accept the success, especially when there is so much injustice out in the world.
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| Monthly Square Dance at St. Stephen's & The Incarnation as viewed from above. |
My childhood was a good one, with very generous parents who provided quite a lot. It continued throughout college, but as soon as I graduated I joined AmeriCorps, and I got familiar with having no money. I still had the white privilege, the middle-class mentality, but I learned quickly that while money helps find happiness, it does not, by a long shot, mean that a lack of wealth equals a lack of happiness. There are plenty of other opportunities to find value in the world, you just need to know where to look. Check out a public park, a library, or simply sit a minute and be intentional about where you are and why you are there.
Intentionality is something I've started thinking about more and more in my life. I've taken on the role of spiritual chair for the Young Souls Board at All Souls, Unitarian Church, and I am not exactly sure why. Part of me thinks that it may be the best way to try and bring the idea of inentionality into people's lives, and to hold spaces where people can come and be thoughtful about their actions and thoughts. It reminds me of a time I walked in the woods at a retreat I went on called "Winter Escape"
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| Fossil Beach at Westmoreland State Park where Winter Escape Took Place |
I led a hike down to a beach on the Potomac River during the retreat. It was designed to be a slow hike, focusing on the forest around us, and looking at the trees, the rocks, the path, and thinking about it for a little bit. To take the hike intentionally, and actually observing what we saw, rather than think forwardly about where we were going. The main stretch did not actually achieve that goal very well in my opinion. There were a lot of people, and I quickly learned that large crowds are hard to try and focus. After the main hike though there were four of us that decided to do a loop trail back to the cabins, this time really taking our time, and observing the forest around us. There were frequent stops, shared silence, and lots of talking about deeper topics of morality, faith, and life. By the end when we reached the road our legs hurt from taking focused steps through the forest, leaving behind only the memory of our presence and light leaves scattered by our footprints.
My general personal problems and issues have turned from self doubt and seeking reassurance to an outward reach to connect with others, and learn from them, their views, their perspectives. My depression is held well at bay from a killer group of friends, and my spiritual needs are mostly satisfied with the endless landscape of urban Washington DC, and it's many nooks and crannies to explore. The one thing I miss having the most is a car, not so I can get places with more ease, but so I can leave the confines of the urban landscape when I want. Not having a car limits me to as far as the trains can reach, and as far as the buses can take me. There are some cool places to see within those confines, but it isn't the same as being out in the woods of the Appalachian mountains, or the ever stretching forests and wilderness of the Pacific Northwest.
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| The view from the admissions office at Warren Wilson College, with mountains in the background. |
Do I miss things about places I've been before? Sure. I'm coming to realize that the key is that I don't miss them more than my desire to stay where I am currently. The Northwest was difficult because of the rain and the social isolation for the first year I was there. I was lonely, and while I loved what I did as a job, I did not like the culture in which I worked, and I sought a more charitable atmosphere fitting for the AmeriCorps position I had taken. I also felt miserable because I had just come from college, which I missed dearly. I cried alone in my bed in the Pacific Northwest many a night looking back on the four amazing years I had at Warren Wilson College. The rain and cloudiness of the winter only drove me deeper into depression as I longed for any kind of social contact that I had back in college. So of course I missed college more than where I was in the Northwest.
Moving back East did help with my mental state a bit, and really helped being closer to those that I loved. Then DC happened, and I'm quickly returning to "college levels" of social life and interaction. I see friends almost daily, and I'm loving every single moment of it. It's been a while since I've felt at ease and peace. Who knew it would come in the nation's capital?
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| The Tidal Basin during Cherry Blossom time. |
